15 Oct Feeling Empty
I feel completely empty, a complete void in my life right now. I’m not sure why I am feeling this way. I feel like my life has been placed on hold and I am waiting for someone to press the play button, so my life could resume. I’ve been reflecting upon my life lately and I’ve seen the progression from starting over to working hard trying to live my life to the fullest, but I am being over powered by emptiness.
I look at what I have accomplished in the last few years, but I still feel empty. I am trying to not let this feeling take a hold of me and distract me from being productive but feeling empty is too much to handle right now. I am still doing what I do on a daily basis just so I don’t fall into a depression, but this empty feeling is still there. This isn’t the first time I have felt like this before, so I know this will subside eventually, but the feeling is stronger than my past experiences.
I know my empty feeling isn’t just happening to me. I know others out there are feeling the same thing or have felt this way before. I have spent the last few days looking for the root of this emptiness. I haven’t seen my main therapist in the last few weeks, so I haven’t been able to really vent about what I am feeling. That’s why I write. So, I can share this and feel like I am talking to someone who has the time to listen.
Sometimes we feel empty because something is missing in our lives. Well that’s am obvious factor. It could be a loved one, a marriage, or a family. Sometimes feeling empty can occur when we begin to abandon ourselves, not listening to our hopes and desires, or living our lives for another individual rather than living our own life. Maybe our strive for perfection is too much to bear and comparing our lives to others can make us feel like we are empty from meeting our goals and or others’ expectations. Well, I may have abandoned me lately.
So, what am I going to do? Well, I acknowledged my emptiness. I didn’t pretend like I was feeling this way. I remained productive and continued my daily routine, trying to ignore the root but the feeling is still lingering. I am not dismissing or trying to change this feeling. I am trying to get to the root of this empty feeling. So, the only way to figure this out is to spend time with myself…
When I feel empty I try to find fulfilment from the outside world. Trying to feel the emptiness with Coffee, alcohol, sex, movies, shopping, etc. I need to look within myself and spend time with myself. The time I spend with myself allows me to explore my own desires, fears, hopes and dreams so I can create more meaning in my daily life and for my future. So, what do I do? Well, writing. Sometimes I write what’s on my mind or I write down meaningful quotes in my journal. Sometimes I make music whether it be on my iPhone, computer or my guitar. Being able to connect emotionally with a song and singing is soothing for me. Actually, that’s where I feel alive to be honest.
When I am able to write or play music I can then explore my current feelings. Which is an empty feeling. But there are more underlying feelings besides emptiness. Something I did today was write down everything I was feeling with a timer set for 5 minutes. These are the feelings I wrote down:
Empty, Lonely, Failure, Isolated, Fearful, Sad, Overwhelmed, Tired, Anxious, Dissatisfied, Annoyed, Boredom, Distracted, Defeated, Insecure, Relieved, Inspired, Apprehensive, Confused, Lost, Trapped, Frustrated, Helpless, Unlovable, and Let Down
The list consists of negative emotions but there are a few positive and anxious emotions as well. What did I do with this list? Well, I asked myself some questions:
- Am I judging myself or comparing myself to others?
- Am I allowing negativity into my life?
- Am I focusing on failures in life rather than looking at the positives?
- Am I eating healthy? Exercising?
- Am I focusing solely on the needs of another person or people?
- Am I trying to prove or win?
- Am I blaming myself or feeling guilty about things that are out of my control?
- Am I asserting myself in my decisions?
- Have I lost someone close to me?
I don’t want to make this post too long, so I won’t answer each question above, but majority of the answers are “yes”. I am almost certain that the questions above is the root of feeling empty. What do I do? Well, I commend myself for reflecting and being completely transparent with myself.
Feelings of emptiness can lead to destressing thoughts, like “life is not worth living” or “there is no hope”. Search for those underlying feelings so you can decide to find ways to make positive changes in your life. It’s really important to recognize and accept your feelings of emptiness. No matter what you are feeling or experiencing, remember one thing, “YOU ARE WORTHY OF LIVING A FULFILLING AND MEANINGFUL LIFE”
Thank you for reading!