24 May Negative Traits
Do we ever think of our negative traits? The other day in therapy I was given a list of positive character traits and I circled all the traits that I could relate to. I pretty much circled all of the traits except a few. I was told to choose 5 negative traits that I struggle with. So, I had to take some time to really think which 5 I wanted to choose. The following are the 5 I recognized as my negative traits.
Indecisiveness: Indecisive individuals are viewed as the timid type. I’m not timid. I just preferer to ponder on my choices before making a decision, though I can spend time and energy trying to figure out that decision to make. I experience indecisiveness in many phases of my life when I am faced with some challenges. This has involved difficult situations in which I needed to make an important decision. In my early years of schooling, I switched my major so many times because I just didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. This example is just one of many examples I find difficult to make a decision. Like, choice of career, business decisions, financial investment, choice of friends, choice of partner, and the list goes on. I see this as a burden towards myself and others, but I’m learning to weigh my options and just make a decision and follow through with my decisions. Why go through life regretting my choices and decisions?
Impatient: I’m pretty much a patient person when it comes to dealing with other people and their issues. The impatient trait comes to play when I time interferes in my plan. I am one who like to be in control of my life and my surroundings. When chaos appears around me and I know I can’t control the situation, I tend to feel powerless. I hate that feeling. As time is the only factor right now that stands in my way, I am constantly thinking and doing. From that, I am exerting tons of energy and I at times I feel exhausted. I have not had a vacation to relax and ignore everything around me in the last 5 years. I am getting tired of my current situation, but time needs to pass.
Emotional: I am an emotional person. Which I find as a good thing. I tend to focus on feelings and understanding of others. I tend to become emotionally invested in many issues, opening myself up to being taken advantage of. When I become disconnected or depressed, I try to find things that will fill in that void to make the numbness go away. That has led too many mistakes in my past, but mistakes are made for changing the future. Sometimes being emotional, my confidence level can become skewed and my judgements can be misguided when my emotional side is imbalanced.
Selfish: I’m not all around a selfish person. However, particular moments in my life has cause me to become selfish towards others. Typically, a selfish person tends to put their own needs before the needs of others. This is not the case for me. I have always put others before me and reflecting back on those times I put others before me, it just hurt me. For example, I wanted to move to NYC, but I stayed behind because of family. I wanted to make sure my family was going to be ok without my presence. I felt that they wouldn’t be ok, and I was scared of being alone in NYC. I made the choice to stay behind, so I am not blaming my family. During my incarceration, I realized that my family did well without me being there. I have a heart to want to help others in need. Because others have helped me, I try to do the same. Unfortunately, I have been taken advantage of by many individuals and I have decided that I need to be stingy as hell and focus on me. To be honest, I just have to find a balance between being selfish and being generous.
Narcissistic: Now, I’m not vein, nor do I think that I am better than anyone. Believe it or not, there are many types of narcissism and everyone has at least one trait. Now with the narcissism I have I tend to be sensitive to criticism. This means I am extraordinarily sensitive. I tend to care about what other people think about me and I place a high wall, so others can’t penetrate through. I’m still working on my transparency. Another negative of this trait is developing a close relationship with one person, having difficulties trusting their insights and views of reality. There are times I have to tell myself that I am better than others around me because I have been let down by many people, so I need to keep myself from being hurt. All around not good to have but I am working on this.
Being able to recognize my negative traits helps me learn more about myself and to see what areas in my life I need to work out. These don’t make me a bad person. It helps me to understand me. It also helps others who have a relationship with me to understand me. Relationships are important. Sometimes we tend to forget that other people have different personalities, but it gives us a chance to learn more about each other.
I think the negative traits are what makes us love other human beings, the foibles and the flaws. -Denise Mina
Thank you for reading. Positive Vibes!